Spoke too soon!!
10/22/2003

Okay...I must have jinxed myself about the hair. Yesterday after radiation, my hair began to come out in clumps. So trivial, I know. And even though I knew it was coming, I don't think one can ever be completely prepared. I have been fortunate enough that hair loss is the only physical evidence of my disease thus far - except the scar that was so nicely hidden by my hair (post-surgery pictures will be posted soon!!).

It all is feeling a little "too real". It's as though I am trying to find a balance between staying positive and certain that I will beat this and being honest with myself and facing the seriousness of this terrible disease. I suppose it is when I ponder such questions that I find comfort in all the support from family and friends, pulling for me and praying for me. I think it is also the eastern philosophies and holistic therapies we have adopted that bring a sense of peace, balance, and focus on the end goal. Sometimes though, when the fatigue, nausau, and moments of depression have a firm grip on me it's hard to find that place of peace, but I am working hard on it and plan on battling that demon everyday. Erik says I have always been a scrapper and a survivor - I think (and hope!) he is right.

« Back